More than 8,700 children in New York City are grieving a parent or caregiver who died of COVID. Here are some of their favorite memories, and what they wish others knew.
Ben Fractenberg/THE CITY, Hiram Alejandro Durán/THE CITY, Veronica Fletcher
Thousands of children in New York City lost a parent or caregiver to COVID.This project was produced in collaboration with THE CITY, Columbia Journalism Investigations, Type Investigations and City Limits as part of “MISSING THEM,” THE CITY’s COVID memorial and journalism project.
Across New York City, more than 8,700 children have lost a parent or caregiver to COVID, according to researchers at the COVID Collaborative. Black, Hispanic and Asian children across the city were roughly three times more likely to have a caregiver die than their white peers. Immigrant communities across the city were also hit disproportionately by COVID.
READ MORE: The Pandemic Robbed Thousands of NYC Children of Parents. Many Aren’t Getting the Help They Need.
City Limits, THE CITY’s Missing Them project and its partners spoke to six children from immigrant families who lost a parent or caregiver to COVID. All of them lost a parent or caregiver within an 11-day span in April 2020, as COVID deaths peaked in New York City. We asked them to share their favorite memories about their loved ones, and what they wish their friends and teachers knew about how they are coping with loss. Here’s what they said.
The conversations have been edited for clarity.
Madison “Maddie” Fletcher, 10
Her father, Joseph Trevor Fletcher, died on April 11, 2020.
What’s your favorite memory with your dad?
We had this Girl Scouts daddy-daughter paint night. My mom got black aprons and put puffy paint and glitter and stickers and stuff on them. My dad and I made a sunset out of pink and red. We painted a shadow figure and we got to paint little tiaras on top and we got to use stickers. At the end, we swapped pictures. The picture that I made, I gave him, and the picture that he made, he gave to me.
If you could tell other kids what it’s been like to lose your parent to COVID, what would you say?
At first it’s hard, but then it gets easier and easier. I guess it gets kind of easier but the damage is still there.
What advice would you have for other kids who are going through the same thing?
I can tell them they can talk with me or that we can draw pictures together. If you draw a picture, it’s like letting your emotions out onto a piece of paper and it just stays there.
Courtesy of Veronica Fletcher
Ziggy Fletcher lost his MTA-worker father to COVID early in the pandemic.
Zachary “Ziggy” Fletcher, 14
What’s your favorite memory with your dad?
We went on a cruise—it was called the Breakaway—for someone’s birthday. That was the best cruise. Papa taught me how to float on my back. Another one of my favorites was when we all went snorkeling together and got photos with the fishes.
Is there any object that reminds you of him?
Sometimes when I’m in my room playing with my Legos, I’ll see the one Lego set and it reminds me of when I would build with my papa. Sometimes, after a while, I break it apart and build something out of it, something else.
If you could tell your classmates one thing about what it’s been like to lose a parent to COVID, what would you say?
It isn’t easy.
What about your teachers?
It’s gonna take a while for you to adjust to losing them.
What advice do you have for other kids who are going through the same thing?
It’s gonna get easier for you. Even if you think that you’re at your worst, just keep going and it will get better.
Joshua Fletcher, 17
What’s your favorite memory with your dad?
When he showed me what bus I needed to take to go to school—it was like he gave me what I needed for when he wouldn’t be here.
If you could tell other kids what it’s been like to lose your parent to COVID, what would you say?
It can be rough and challenging to go through, and you don’t have to do it alone.
And what about teachers? What would you tell them?
I guess check in on them and see how they’re feeling.
What advice would you give to other kids who lost a parent?
Don’t lose sight of the things that you want to do. It’s like any other obstacle or something that makes you stronger.
Ben Fractenberg/THE CITY
10-year-old Washington Heights resident Alejandro Amaya lost his uncle, Humberto Heras, early in the pandemic.
Alejandro Amaya, 10
His uncle, Victor Humberto Heras, died on April 19, 2020.
What’s your favorite memory with your uncle?
He would pick me and my sister up from school. Sometimes, he took us to the park. We always went to my uncle’s apartment. Every time we were there, he’d ask us: “What do you want to eat?” He would cook us rice and beans. We’d spend time with him, playing games like cards, Uno or Monopoly.
If you could tell your friends one thing about what it’s been like to lose your uncle to COVID, what would you say?
When I found out that my uncle died, it was a sad day and I will never forget. It was the saddest day of my life.
What do you do to feel better when you’re sad and missing him?
I think about him. I sit and think about the good memories I have about him. At school, Miss Kassandra [my counselor] helps me when I get mad or sad. She helps me to breathe in and out. Miss Kassandra always says: Put your left fist like this and then put your right one like this. Your left is a flower, your right is a candle. You smell the flower, you blow on the candle. And you keep repeating. When I do that, I feel better. It makes me calm down and concentrate.
What advice do you have for other kids who are going through the same thing?My advice to other kids that are sad would be to cherish the moments with our loved ones and family because you don’t know if that can be the last time you got with them.
Hiram Alejandro Durán/THE CITY
Rana Ibrahim, 17.
Rana Ibrahim, 17
Her mother, Fatma Atia, died on April 9, 2020.
If you could tell your friends or classmates what it’s been like to lose a parent to COVID, what would you say?
I’d tell them to not take their parents for granted. Because a lot of times, people will. Then they lose them and they realize that they needed them.
And what would you tell your teachers?
I would tell them that it’s hard and sometimes I need a break from school and stuff. I feel like sometimes the teachers don’t really understand. They think that just because it happened, like, in 2020 that it is not relevant anymore.
What’s one of your favorite memories with your mom?
Talking with her about mother-daughter stuff, like feminine stuff, in her room.
What advice do you have for other kids who lost parents?
I’d tell them even though it’s difficult now, they should still have hope. Because there’s still reason to keep going and just to make them proud even though they’re not there with you.
Hiram Alejandro Durán/THE CITY
Ibrahim Ibrahim, 13
What has your experience been like in school since losing your mom?
Now that she’s not here anymore, I don’t really have that motivation anymore. My grades are still doing good. It used to be better when she was still here. I’d be proud, going to school. Now, I just go to school because I want to get an education and go home.
What do you wish teachers understood about losing a parent?
It’s not the easiest thing. It impacts me and my classwork. Sometimes, I would just think of my mom and stuff and have a little mental breakdown. I would just take a walk. They would get mad usually. If that was something they knew and wouldn’t get mad at, I would have appreciated that.
What advice would you give to other kids who are going through the same thing?
I’d just say keep your head up, like, this is how life is. Sometimes you gotta move on. At the same time, it’s not gonna be easy. But eventually you’re gonna have to.
When you’re sad and you’re missing your mom, what do you do to feel better?
I just think, like, this really happened? It’s just crazy sad. But I know she wouldn’t want me to be like this. She would have wanted me to go on with my life and not to think of her as much. I know that she’s in a better place. That’s what cheers me up a bit.
Hiram Alejandro Durán/THE CITY
South Bronx residents Rana and Ibrahim Ibrahim with a photo of their mother, Fatma Atia.This story was produced by THE CITY, Columbia Journalism Investigations, Type Investigations and City Limits as part of “MISSING THEM,” THE CITY’s COVID memorial and journalism project.
Do you know a child who has lost a parent or caregiver to COVID-19? Tell us more here. If you know someone who died due to COVID, share their story here or email us at memorial@thecity.nyc.
City Limits’ series on behavioral health and NYC’s children is supported by the Citizens’ Committee for Children of New York; City Limits is solely responsible for the content and editorial direction.
